Friday, March 31, 2006

APril Fool Text SMS Collection

ov o
l e Y U
ov o
l e Y u
L V e ou
HARI OM!! Kabhi Bhagwan ka Naam bhi liya karo.
126 Characters
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Is kadar hum aapko chahte hai ki duniya wale dekh ke jal jate hai, yu toh hum sabhi ko ULLU banate hai, lekin aap thoda JALDI ban jate hai...
143 Characters
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We've known each other for quite a while now, do u think we can b more than friends? cos i like u very much. will u b my partner 2 rob a bank? 142 Characters
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U R the one who is CHARMING U R the one who is INTELLIGENT U R the one who is CUTE and I am the One who is spreading these RUMOURS.
137 Characters
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A - U r Attractive B - U r the Best C - U r Cute D - U r Dear 2 Me E - U r Excellent F - U r Funny G - U r Good-Looking H - hehehe I - I'm J - JOKING
167 Characters
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So Sweet is ur SMILE??? so Sweet is ur STYLE??? so Sweet is ur VOICE??? so Sweet is ur EYE????? see .......how Sweetly I LIE.
133 Characters
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Legs utha ke karo. Tange feala ke karo. Ghuma ghuma ke karo. Aage peechey dono taraf karo. Jitna karoge utna halka mehsoos hoga. *Ramdev ji ka yoga.
158 Characters
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For pepsi "shahrukh"
For coke "aamir"
For mirinda "vivek"
For fanta "rani"
& For Thums Up "Akshay"
Don't worry For Bante wala soda "You" Cheers !!!
181 Characters
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When things go wrong
When sadness fills your heart
When tears flow in your eyes
Always remember 3 things 1) I am with you 2) You have money 3) Bar is open, Lets go.
188 Characters
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I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream.
135 Characters
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In your life, when you wake up & don't see any one, then come to me, i'll be there to hold ur hand & take you to the EYE SPECIALIST
131 Characters
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Yaad hai ham pehle kahan milte the...... train ruki, khidki khuli, nazro se nazre mili aur aapne kahan,..... ALLAH KE NAAM PE KUCH DE DE BABA!!!!!!
147 Characters
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If u don't mind
If u don't feel bad

If don't hesitate

Please......

give me a

K

ki

kis

kiss

kiss......


kissan jam bottle just RS.22.50 only. soon......
241 Characters
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I
I l
I lo
I lov
I love
I love you...

I love you the most.
I love you the best.

I love you a lot..

Bcoz MENAKA GANDHI said " People should LOVE animals.
212 Characters
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Last night I Got a severe Head pain... I went to the Doctor ... He said that It would be cured If I send a SMS TO some lunatic person...
" Tell me,Whom do I know other than you.?"
187 Characters
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I Miss you a Lot Dear....
SENDER: Aishwarya Rai +919542496632
Message centre: +919540099996
" Don't get excited. She sent It to me."
156 Characters
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Today, tommorow and forever there will be one heart that would always beat for you. You know Whose??? Your Own Stupid!!!
125 Characters
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If ever in your life u r very sad n feel that u have lost everything, I’ll come, hold ur hand, take u 4 walk on a bridge and show u where 2 jump from.
150 Characters
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MAKAYA, HAKAYA, RUMBHA, ZUMBHATIMBAK, TUMBA, JINGALA JINGA, RAGIRA, VAGIRA, HELULU, HETATA, NARAKA, HIBAHA. Congratulations!! u r perfect AADHIVASI.
148 Characters
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Your girlfriend is: Smart. Intelligent. Sweet. Talented. Excllent. Romantic. In short she is your S.I.S.T.E.R.
124 Characters
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Roses are Red Sky is Blue
My Bitch is Pregnant Thanks to You....
74 Characters
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This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,20 cat, seconds cat !... Now read it without the word cat.
157 Characters
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Read each word reversely: A SUOMAF ROTCOD DLOT EM TAHT YLNO LATNEM STNEITAP EVAH EHT TNELAT OT DAER SMS NEVENEHW STI NETTIRW YLESREVER.
137 Characters
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When are you going to marry me? I can live without you. I love you dear, marry me within this month otherwise i will die. See, how Aishwarya Rai messaged me! Silly girl.
173 Characters
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Count S in SIHT SI WOH OT EKAM A DIPUTS YSUB
(hint-
it should be 5)

Read caps word reversely.
109 Characters
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Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do?
Open the zip!
Enter your hands in between your zip..
take out your...
book from your bag and study..
160 Characters
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U will be a ROSE for all TREES U will be a SMILE for all FACES U will be WATER FALLS for all HILLS & U will be a BROHTER for all CUTE GIRLS .
153 Characters
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Hotho se jo choo liya, Ehsaas Aab tak hai, Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanso mein Aag aab tak hain... Aur kyo na ho... Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirchi...'-hai
150 Characters
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When ur life is in darkness pray 2 God ask him 2 free u 4rm darkness & after if u pray &ur still in darkness , pls pay ur ELECTRICITY BILL
146 Characters
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All ways keep your LOVER'S photo in your purse.when ever you are in big trouble see the photo.you will feel that No other problem bigger than this...
151 Characters
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If people says you are crazy, be patiend. if they say you are monkey, relax. if they say you are stupid,be cool but if they say you are smart, Thapad maar sale ko.
165 Characters
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I am sorry yaar, aaj tak maine tujhe avoid kiya,kai bar tujhse bat nahi ki,tujhse hath nahi milaya, Sorry yaar mujhe pata nahi tha ki “AIDS” chhune se nahi failta.
165 Characters
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I wnt u to b wit me in a nice restaurant 2 hav CandleLight Dinner & say thos 3 sweet word 2 u.Pay The Bill
108 Characters
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The time since I have met u, i have realized that a friend like you is worth million dollars... So, if u dont mind......
Can I sell you?
144 Characters
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Ek bar kuch bandar jangal se bhag gaye phir wo hotel mein phuchen unme se ek pizaa kha raha tha ek burger kha raha tha aur kuch bade dhayan se ye message parh rahe the.
170 Characters
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True love is like an pillow, u can hug when you are in trouble, you can cry when you are in pain & u can embrace when you are happy. So when u need true love spend 100 bucks and buy a pillow.
191 Characters
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When u feel sad, to cheer up just go to the mirror and say, "damn I am really so cute". U will overcome your sadness. But don't make this a habit. Coz liars go to hell.
172 Characters
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Hey get ready, my marriage is fixed.

Its on 1st of April. Surprised?

Stupid, 1st april is April fool, and u r the 1st person whom I fooled.
157 Characters
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If you are in tension, If nothing seems right, If u find no way out, Then just think of me only once, I will be always there to INCREASE your tensions.
159 Characters
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When u feel lonly n alone & canot see any 1 around u,the wrld seems 2 b fading away,com along wit me I'l tak u to an eye specialist.
134 Characters
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If u save this msg, it means I'm cute. If u edit this, I'm still cute. If u fwd this, u r spreading that i'm cute & if u erase this, u r jealous of me coz i'm cute!
167 Characters

SMS Jokes : Funny Phrases

☻As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition☻She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head☻She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner☻About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.☻He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery☻She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers☻She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!

☻He's tighter than a photo finish.
☻He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt
☻He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.
☻He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.
☻He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.
☻Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.
☻As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat
☻It's colder than a penguin's bollocks
☻She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging
☻You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier
☻She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard
☻As rare as a Blonde virgin
☻I've seen more hair on a billiard ball
☻He's as camp as a row of tents
☻I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box
☻They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up
☻As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium
☻You could park a bike on that bum
☻He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank
☻He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure
☻Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers
☻About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.
☻They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump

SMS : One Liners

☻Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?
☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
☻How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!
☻***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for £1... No Strings attached...but for a limited period ONLY!...A bloody good deal!
☻Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
☻FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.

☻Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.
☻Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost there....oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's how I sex on text!
☻Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person - Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!
☻I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
☻Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
☻HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?
☻This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you
☻Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone
☻Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
☻I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!
☻Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
☻Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
☻I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
☻How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.
☻Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...
☻U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :)
☻I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!
☻On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.
☻The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
☻Nope.....u still ugly!
☻Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.
☻What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.
☻Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'
☻Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with somin to help u.
☻I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.
☻How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support herHow to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.
☻How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
☻It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
☻Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!
☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
☻You are here: X
☻Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me c**k, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block.
☻In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.
☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!
☻Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
☻Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.
☻What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything.
☻Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
☻Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get operator sayin 'Sorry, The Subscriber U R Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.'
☻Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick" Boss asks: "How sick are u?"Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???"
☻Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!
☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and all that's between!
☻I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!
☻Hey, there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex, phone-sex, speedy-sex, crazy-sex and for people wid ur face - NO SEX!
☻When an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she's ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number....
☻U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!
☻Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.
☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
☻Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
☻I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.
☻The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
☻There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
☻Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
☻You may be recognized soon. Hide.
☻Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
☻He who laughs last thinks slowest.
☻Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
☻I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
☻Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???
☻Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
☻If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
☻You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
☻My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
☻If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me
☻Mind intentionally left blank...
☻I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
☻Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
☻Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
☻If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
☻Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.
☻If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
☻The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
☻It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.
☻Born Free........Taxed to Death.
☻We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found
☻I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.
☻Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
☻My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.
☻Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...
☻Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
☻What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
☻Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
☻Celibacy is not hereditary
☻Familiarity breeds children
☻Life is sexually transmitted
☻We do precision guesswork
☻Born free . . . Taxed to death
☻If it's too loud, you're too old
☻Common sense isn't common
☻Nothing succeeds like excess
☻Do pilots take crash-courses?
☻If it ain't broke, fix it until it is
☻The older I get, the older old is
☻Relax, its only Ones and Zeros
☻A closed mouth gathers no feet
☻Do witches run spell checkers?
☻I don't get even . . . . . I get odder
☻Allow me to introduce my selves
☻A feature is a bug with seniority
☻If I throw a stick, will you leave?
☻Justice: A decision in your favor
☻Strip mining prevents forest fires
☻A waist is a terrible thing to mind
☻Do not disturb. Already disturbed
☻Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
☻Today's subliminal message is . . .
☻Demons are a Ghouls best Friend
☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. ☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death. ☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides. ☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck! ☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species. ☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! ☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering. ☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. ☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick. ☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.
☻Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven! ☻Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living? ☻Fuck Me...are those real? ☻Be unique and different, just say yes. ☻Can I flirt with you? ☻Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track. ☻Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin. ☻Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position. ☻Umh, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open? ☻Darling, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house. ☻I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away! ☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbour ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list. ☻If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice? ☻Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? ☻That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed. ☻Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
☻A hangover is the wrath of grapes
☻Everyone is entitled to my opinion
☻If it ain't chocolate, it ain't dessert
☻I don't work here. I'm a consultant
☻Out of Body. Back in Five Minutes
☻The best things in life aren't things
☻I like feminists; I think they're cute
☻I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable
☻Does killing time damage eternity?
☻How can there be self-help groups?
☻"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy
☻BIGAMIST --- A heavy fog in Italy
☻Have a nice day. . . somewhere else
☻Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving
☻Exceptions always outnumber rules
☻Adults are just kids who owe money
☻All stressed out and no one to choke
☻Constipated people don't give a crap
☻I may not be perfect, but I'm all I got
☻Where there's a will, I want to be in it
☻Anything not nailed down is a cat toy
☻Never miss a good chance to shut up
☻All computers wait at the same speed
☻Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
☻How do you get off a non-stop flight?
☻How come night falls but day breaks?
☻How do I set the laser printer to stun?
☻If we quit voting will they all go away?
☻Is it time for your medication or mine?
☻INSTANT HUMAN (Just Add Coffee)
☻I'm not getting older...I'm getting bitter
☻When all else fails manipulate the data
☻I'm as confused as a termite in a yo-yo
☻Insanity is my only means of relaxation
☻No guts, no glory, no brain, same story
☻Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw
☻I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert
☻I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier
☻When money talks, the criminal walks

Love Jokes

☻YOUR SMILE
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

☻ WHO YOU ARE
I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

☻ I'M STILL ALIVE...
TaLk 2 me wHen i'm boReD, kiSS me wHen i'm saD, hug me wHen i cRy, caRe 4 me wHen i diE, loVe me When i'm sTill Alive...

☻ IN LOVE WITH YOU
It is not being in love that makes me happy... but is being in love with YOU that makes me happy.



☻ TRULY LOVE
It’s hard to find someone whom you truly love, much less to find someone who loves you as much. When the chance comes, don't ever let go.

☻ CHERSH...
Cherish the person you love, never tell lies or attempt to hurt them because you won't know how important they are until they are out of your life...

☻POEM OR RHYME?
Who cares whether this is a poem or rhyme, I will love you until the end of time...

☻ 2NITE WITH ME
A sMiLe tO pUt You On HiGh... A KisS To Set YoUr SouL ALriGhT... WouLd iT bE aLriGhT iF I spEnT ToNiTe BeiNg LovED bY YoU???

☻LOVE YOU
Never WasTe an OppOrtuniTy 2 sAy 'I LoVe U' to Someone u ReaLLy Like, Coz it is noT EvEryDaY u'll mEEt tHe PerSoN WhO hAs tHe MaGic 2 lEt u fAll iN love...

☻ TRUE LOVE
True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.

☻ FRIENDS 4 LIFE
Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!

☻: FIRST SIGHT
FiRsT NiTe, FiRsT SiGhT, I SaW, I KnEw, LoVe's SwEEtEr ThAn MoUnTaiN DeW, A pRoMiSe I mAdE and' WiLL kEEp, 2 LoVe YOU aLwAys~

☻ VALUE OF LOVE
LovE is Not HoW LonG U've BeeN 2gEthEr; nOt HoW MucH U've GIvEn oR RecEivE; Not hOw MaNy TimEs U've HeLpEd EaCh OthEr --- Its HoW U VALUE EaCh OtHEr...

☻: STILL LOVING U
i håtê SmîîÑg jûSt tO prEtêñD î'M ñOt hUrt. î hÅtE to gîGglê tO Show î'll ßê okåY. î hAtE tO laUgh aFtEr î Cry. í Stìll lovE YOU ßût í'Vé tó SaY gooDbYê...

☻ NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DO
Don't regret what you've did, but regret what you never did, go and say 'I LOVE U' to your loved one!

☻ LOVE IS SO CONFUSING
Love makes life so confusing but without love would you want to live?

☻ REALITY
Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep, Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream.

☻WHY IS HE NOT MINE...
wOrLd iS cRueL, LoVe iS bLinD. LoSt iN sAdnEsS, BluR In miND. HeArT iS bRoKeN, fLaMe hAd DiEd. TiMe HaS pAsSeD bUt wHy iS hE... sTiLL nOt mInE...

☻ NOT TOO YOUNG
No one is too young for love, because love doesn't come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age.

☻ I FOUND U
Love is like a cloud... love is like a dream... love is 1 word and everything in between... love is a fairytale come true... Coz I found love when I found U.

☻ IT HURTS
It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what hurts more is to love someone, and never find the courage to let them know how you feel.

☻ FORGET YOU
It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

☻ IT NEVER SEEMS TO LAST
I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love... it never seems to last.

☻ FALL IN LOVE
People say you only fall in love once, but when I hear your voice I fall in love all over again

☻ LOVE IS TO THINK
Love is to think about someone else more times in a day than you think about yourself.

☻IN LOVE WITH YOU
There are times when I fall in love with someone new, but I always seem to find myself back in love with you.

☻: SOMEONE ELSE
The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one u love, love someone else.

☻ OUT OF MY CONTROL
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.

☻ HEART TO CIRCLE
Always draw a circle around the ones you love, never draw a heart because hearts can be broken, but circles are never ending.

☻: WHO
I'd rather be hated for who I am then be loved for who I'm not
☻ TRY TO FORGET
Trying to forget someone you loved is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

☻ ADVICE ON LIVING
Dance like no one's watching; sing like no one's listening; love like you can't get hurt, and live like there's no tomorrow.

☻ QUICKSAND
LoVe iS LiKe QuiCkSanD - ThE DeEpEr yOu FaLL iN iT ThE HaRdeR iT iS tO GeT OuT.

☻ IN MY ARMS
You showed me how it is to be loved. Now I know what really love is. 1 day we will be together forever. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.

☻ WHAT IS TRUE
There's a warmth in my heart. It haunts me when U R gone. Mend me 2 ur side and never let go. The more I live The more I know, wat's simple is true, I love you.

☻ FLAME OF YOURS
I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU!

☻ If love were to be taxed,I would be the highest tax payer.☻you can't buy Love... but you can pay heavily. ☻Common sense is common, but... the use of common sense is uncommon !!!!☻Promises are like babies, easy to give hard to deliver.☻You need Money to call someone Honey.☻My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.☻We can see more Grafitti's in girls toilet , WHY ?Because their both hands are free.☻Definitions :Home : A place where you can scratch where it itches.Doctor : A person who cures the ills by pills, and kills by his bills.LOVE : Loss Of Valuable EnergyWIFE : Worries Invited For Ever

Marriage Jokes

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence? Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...☻The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive. Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?""No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D."Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...☻Q: Why do brides wear white?A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton☻My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante☻I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield☻I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow☻Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman
☻To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...☻To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.☻To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!☻Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"☻You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.☻May the best of your past be the worst of your future☻Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!☻May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment☻To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!☻Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.☻May you grow old on one pillow.☻Dear [bride's name],☻Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself?[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again☻I've known many,Liked not a few,Loved only one,I toast to you☻Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.☻To the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out☻To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life...☻To my wife...my bride...my joy☻May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam.☻May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.☻A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my beautiful bride.☻May our children be blessed with rich parents☻Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.

SMS Greetings


☻BLINKING STARS
FreNz r 4-evER liKE E starS taT kePt blinkin In E sky. THoUgh we MighT b Far Apart.. BUt I noE taT u r Still Near 2 Me WhnEveR I look up... Gd nite N sleep TiTE

☻ TIME TO SLEEP
LyinG oN mY BeD, LoOkiN @ ThE CloCk, I nOe tAt iTs timE 2 zzz. I WonDeR HoW hAv U bEEn todaY... HopE Tat EveryTHinG is FInE.. WiSh u sweeT dReaMz n Sleep TiGhT!

☻ MORNING GREETING
Morning greetings doesn't only mean saying Gd Morning, it has asilent message saying: I remember you when I wake up! Have a nice day!

☻ MORNING GIFT
Receive my simple gift of 'GOOD MORNING' wrapped with sincerity, tied with care and sealed with a prayer to keep u safe and happy all day long! Take Care!



☻ GOOD MORNING
A night hug warms the heart, a night kiss brightens the day, and a good morning to start your day!

☻ NITE HAS END...
Nite has end for another day, morning has come in a special way. May you smile like the sunny rays and leaves your worries at the blue blue bay.

☻ THINGS TO NOTE B4 SLEEPING
ThinGs 2 TaKe NoTe WheN u SleeP: 1st-MiSS Me, 2nd-ThInk oF Me, 3rd-HuG Me, 4th-LoVE mE. TrY 2 SlEEp NoW & ClOSe Ur EyeS. Get PrePaReD 2 DrEaM oF mE! Gd NiTe!

☻ HELLO
The Word 'Hello' means H=How R U? E=Everything all right? L=Like 2 hear 4rm U. L=Love 2 C U soon. O=Obviously, I miss you!

☻: I PRAY 4 YOU
In tis lovely nite, I pray 2 the blue moon 2 protect U thru the nite, the wind 2 blow away ur stress N the twinkle stars 2 guide U the way, sweet dreams Gd Nite

☻ GOOD MORNING
The sun rises into the sky with the warmest smile, he wishes you a good morning, hoping that you have the perfect day. Take care & miss you.

☻ NO MATTER
No matter the sky is black or blue, no matter there's stars or moon, as long as ur heart is true, sweet dreams will always be wif u. Gd Nite!

☻ TIME 4 BED
da starz r out, da moon is up, 1 more HUG, 1 more smile, KISS u once, KISS u twice, now itz time 4 bed. Close ur @@, n sleep tite!

☻ I CARE MOST
I was looking out the windows thinking about the person I care most & the person that came into my mind is U so juz wanna wish u good nite.......

☻ STARS LIGHT
Stars light Stars bright u're the only Star I see tonite. I wish I may. I wish I might be there guarding ur dreams tonite, gd nite sweet dreams

☻ NICE FRIENDS
A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams...

☻ WASH UP
Wash your face and wash your feet! Now itz time 2 fall asleep. Yours eyes are weak N mouth can't speak so hope tis nite shall b nice and sweet. Good Nite.

☻ COLD COLD NITE
On this cold cold nite,in My small small rOOm,i Look At The Brite Brite StArS iN tHe DaRk DaRk sKy & DrEaM of uR sWeet sWeet SmiLe on ur CuTe CuTe FaCe! GdNiTe!

☻ WINDOWS OF SOUL
Tireness draws across the mind making the body fade flexibility n soon windows of soul begin 2 close N enter the dreamland! OYASUMINASAI! Sweet Dreams!

☻SOUL BACK FROM DREAMLAND
Your soul came back from dreamland reunited with a sleeping senseless piece of yourself slowly open ur eyes realise its a brand new day. Good Morning.

☻ DRACULA KISS
As u go 2 bed 2nite, I ordered bats 2 guard u tight. I told some ghosts to dance in white, & 2 make sure u r alryt, i'LL ask dracula 2 kiss ur neck goodnight..

☻ LAZY BONE WAKE UP!
The sun has once brought brightness to earth! lazy bone. it's time 2 wake up gd morning...

☻ AS NITE FALLS
As nite falls upon the land, it is time 2 Zz again. With the moon hangin in the starlit sky, i'm here 2 wish U NiteNite! Sweet dreams, cover blanket tight tight

☻ THE SUN HAD RISED
The sun had rised from the east & birds r singing happily & butterflies R around the flowers. It is time to wake up & give a big yawning & say gd morning to u..

☻ SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light someone thinkin of u somewhere out there where dreams come true... nitenite & sweet dreams 2 u

☻ MASTER OF PUPPETS
Master of puppets is pulling ur strings, twisting ur mind n smashing ur dreams. blinded by me, u can't c a thing when i count to 3 u shall fall asleep 1,2,3,Zzz

SMS for Text Insults

KILL THAT LOSER WITH SOME CRACKING TXT INSULTS
☻Them:You:
Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming homeHere's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener


☻Them:You:
I never forget a faceNeither do I but in your case I'll make an exception


☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
☻Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
☻Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
☻Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...☻Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?☻I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.☻You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...☻Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.☻Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?☻Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.☻Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.☻You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder☻All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.☻I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.☻You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.☻He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe☻Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.☻If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!☻You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.☻You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!☻I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.☻Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?☻Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?☻Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...☻I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.☻Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.☻I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?☻Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.☻You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!☻I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.☻Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!☻I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
☻4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN dogs obey wen u shout @ dem dogs dont shop u can giv away ur dogs children any guy can get a good lookin dog!
☻Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!
☻This sms can only be read by someone SEXY try again again maybe you are just not sexy? one more time hey don't force it ugly!!!
☻I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..
☻As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.
☻Kind, intelligent, loving and hot. This describes everything you are not... ☻My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...
☻Roses r red, violets r blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are u. But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!
☻ Do I look like a damn people person?
☻This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster? ☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out. ☻I think the sun shines out of your arse. ☻Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished. ☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons. ☻Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls. ☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today ☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing ☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own ☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words ☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works ☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop ☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat ☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in ☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time. ☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
☻Them: Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener ☻Them: I never forget a face You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception ☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster? ☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out. ☻I think the sun shines out of your arse. Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished. ☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons. Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls. ☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today ☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing ☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own ☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words ☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works ☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo ☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat ☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in ☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time. ☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ? Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut ☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going ☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. ☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net. ☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar. ☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother! ☻Are you typing with your forehead, again? ☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor. ☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between. ☻A rose by any other name still has thorns. ☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. ☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism. ☻Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it. ☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have. ☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism. ☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better. ☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor. ☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries. ☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille. ☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection. ☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them ☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going. ☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away. ☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down. ☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down. ☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together. ☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful. ☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue. ☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks. ☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face. ☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. ☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.
☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. ☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net. ☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar. ☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother! ☻Are you typing with your forehead, again? ☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor. ☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between. ☻A rose by any other name still has thorns. ☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. ☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism. ☻Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it. ☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have. ☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism. ☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better. ☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor. ☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries. ☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille. ☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection. ☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them ☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going. ☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away. ☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down. ☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down. ☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together. ☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful. ☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue. ☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks. ☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face. ☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. ☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to
☻Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. ☻Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride? ☻Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike. ☻For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. ☻He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown. ☻He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off. ☻You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot. ☻Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?! ☻Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view. ☻If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor. ☻Mother Nature is a supreme bitch. ☻Is that a comeback? For fuck's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this. ☻He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt. ☻Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Erotic SMS Jokes

☻MISTAKES
Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control!

☻ PICTURE
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

☻MAN
Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!!



☻ COCUNUT
What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT'

☻ SHOWTIME
Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!
☻LEFT LEG, RIGHT LEG
What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

☻SEX MACHINE
When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.

☻ SEX ON TEXT
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

☻ CARS
Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...' Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.'

☻ DEPRESSED
A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?

☻ BAR STOOL
How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.

☻VIAGRA
CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you

☻ WE CAN MULTIPLY
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

☻ SNOW WHITE
*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'

☻ GLOW IN THE DARK
I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark

☻ PENIS & BALLS
Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!

☻ STUPID PYJAMAS
Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!

☻BRUSH MY TEETH
I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth

☻ RING
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....

☻ DUMB
What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole!

☻ SAGGY BOOB
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!

☻ BLOW JOB
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

☻ COVER ME
What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in...'
☻ TITS DAIRY
I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy.

☻Suspense
how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!
☻Statistics
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
☻Farmer Joneshas
farmer Joneshas got no sheep,isn't life a drag?coz they're all burning in a fieldhe's got no sheep to shag
☻Gary Gliter
*Newsflash*The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach.The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's
☻Ba Ba White Sheep
ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
☻Leather Heather
there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
☻Little Miss Drugy
little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.
☻Jack and Jill
Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER
☻IRA
what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth
☻Dear Mammy love annie
There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
☻Cock Sucker Detecotor
This is a cock sucker detectorPlease blow in the phone..... .. scanning....The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...COCK SUCKER !!
☻Pink Vagina
Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?A pink rose with loveley details.And after sex?Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?
☻Red Riding Hood
Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits.No she said lifting her skirt.Eat me like the fucking book says!
☻Fuck for money
sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for moneybut if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Blonde SMS Collection

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?A: Space. The final frontier.......... Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?A: She took the 33 bus twice instead. Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?A: Cos they've no idea of the route. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?A: You shine a torchlight in her ear. Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck. Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?A: E-I-E-I-O. Q: How do you measure their intelligence?A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear. It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.She tried putting batteries in it. To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?A: There have been sightings of UFOs. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?A: Frosted Flakes. Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?A: The Branch Manager. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?A: Proof-reading. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: Why do blondes love lightning?A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo. It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died. Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes. NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones. Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?A: She couldn't find the recipe.

Love Greetings SMS

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
To love you is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like your unrequited love.
I appreciate all the things you do, and the way you show you care.
When God gave you to me, he planted the image of you deep in my heart.
When you left, my world turned upside down
I love you more than all the tea in China.
I'll love you till the end! And then some.
If love were a movie, you'd be a coming attraction.
If love were to be taxed, I would be the highest tax payer.
The most important things in my world are to get food, drink and to love you.
A day without your love is a day without life.
I can't think of anything but you.
I don't know how I could have done that thing, when I love you like life itself. Please forgive me.
You're the best thing since God made men.
You're the best thing since God made women.
You are my friend, my love, my forever Valentine.
The only love worthy of a name is unconditional.

Friend Ship SMS

If you need advice, text me... if you need a friend, call me ... if you need me, come to me... if you need money........ SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway
Friends are like a head of hair. You might lose some, but with enough cash you can buy them back.
Without humor, life sucks. Without Love, Life seems hopeless. But without a friend like you, life is nearly impossible.
Memories last forever, they simply never die, true friends stay together - they NEVER say good-bye.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so my friend stay wasted all the time, and have the time of your life!
A faithful friend is worth more than all the gold in the world.
Love is only chatter, it's your friends that really matter.
I've nothing to offer so it's love I'm going to send. It's nothing that I've borrowed, nor nothing that I'd lend. This love that I send comes with my Lifetime Guarantee.
It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship.
Friendships multiply joys and divide griefs.
Our kind of friendship is like love without wings!
Friendship is a sheltering tree.
I believe in Angels, the ones that Heaven sends. Each day I tell those Angels, you are my best of friends.
Always draw a circle around the ones you love, never draw a heart because hearts can be broken, but circles are never ending.
A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
True friends warm the heart, make you laugh, smile...yes, you are a true friend.
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway
Your the kind of friend that only heaven could have sent.
I need you too know our friendship means a lot - If you cry then I cry, if you laugh..if you jump out the window I look down then....I laugh again :-)
Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light.
Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen.
The world is round so that friendship may encircle it.

Funny SMS Jokes

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?A:About 45 pounds!!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing?

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive? Popeye beat the crap outta him.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore.

What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle? If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.


sms joke(21 - 40)
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

Funny SMS

What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.

Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.

A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...


Ringtones

sms quotes
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

My Reality Check bounced.

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!
Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

What do you call a handcuffed man? - Trustworthy.

Funny sms jokes
What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Why don't men often show their true feelings? - Because they don't have any. 1

What's the difference between a man and E.T.? - E.T. phoned home.

What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

How Dogs and Women are alike..... Neither believe that silence is golden. Neither can balance a checkbook. Both put too much value on kissing.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores? "101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"

If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.